Once you’ve raised expectations, you will disappoint people. You’ll disappoint yourself; you’ll always look back on that time you raised the bar and cleared it by yards and you’ll wonder why you can’t clear it again. Until the day when you do, when you accomplish a bigger leap than last time. Yes, you’re back.
Only, the following day it gets harder than ever. You marvel at the evidence of your own brilliance, not quite able to believe you raised the bar higher yet.
Trouble is, she’s noticed cracks in the smooth façade she presents to the world. The calm demeanour for which she is known used to come easy. More often than not, these days it doesn’t come at all.
She’s taking steps – beating the stuffing out of a punching bag at lunchtime, tai chi in the evening. They have the effect of a fire blanket on a wildfire: extinguishing patches while the blaze rages on.
She wonders if years of pent-up fury are looking for release.